It's Alienation.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

10:55 PM ;

Why I don't have my homework
I lost it fighting this kid you said you weren't the best teacher in the school
I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
Our puppy toilet trained on it
Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked
I put it in a safe, but lost the combination
I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away
Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing
I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine
I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload
My little sister ate it
A sudden gust of wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again
I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn't have time to do it
The lights in our house went out, and I had to burn it to get enough light to see the fuse box
Another pupil fell in a lake, and I jumped in to rescue him. My homework though drowned.
I used it to fill a hole in my shoe, you wouldn't want it now
My father had a nervous breakdown and he cut it up to make paper dolls
My pet gerbils had babies, and they used it to make a nest
I didn't do it, because I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad
I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked
ET stopped by my house and he accidentally took it home with him

Math
I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that ?
I didn't take algebra !
Teacher: Are you good at math ?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math !
Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please ?
Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy !
Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems ?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself !
Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten !
Teacher: What's 2 and 2
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good
Pupil: Good ?, that's perfect !
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4 ?
Pupil: That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one !
Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and down or across ?
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4 ?
Class: At once !
If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left ?
None, they were all copycats !
The teacher was reviewing counting with her first-grade class.
"Jackie," she asked, "can you count to 10 without mistakes?"
"Yes," said Jackie, and she did.
"Now, Fred," said the teacher, "can you count from 10 to 20?"
"That depends," said Fred, "with or without mistakes"!
Teacher: Can you count to 10?
Jackie: Yes, teacher. (counting on her fingers at waist level) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Teacher: Good. Now can you count higher?
Jackie: Yes, teacher. (She puts her hands over her head and counts on her fingers.) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Teacher: Can you count to 10?
Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Teacher: Now go on from there.
Fred: Jack, Queen, King.
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Teacher: Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
TEACHER: Stella, take 932 from 1,439. What is the difference?
Stella: That's what I say, what's the difference`?
Fred: I've added these figures ten times.
Teacher: Good work!
Fred: And here are my ten answers !
Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s?
He puts down the three and carries the one.
Why is six afraid of seven ?
Because seven ate nine.
What animal is best at math ?
Rabbits, they multiply fastest !
My dog is great at math.
Really ? Ask him how much is two minus two.
But two minus two is nothing!
That's what he'll answer, nothing!